Dancing in limbo

I just finished reading a book called, Dancing In Limbo. It’s written by two female cancer survivors for people who have finished cancer treatment and are left to deal with the unanticipated emotional fallout. I highlighted the heck out of the book because there was so much in it that I could relate to. Cancer survivors are often caught off guard when they finish treatment because everyone expects them to be happy that it’s over and they can now “get on with life.” However, it’s common for survivors to experience a sort of “post-traumatic stress” reaction. Now that they are no longer doing something proactive about the cancer, fear of recurrence sets in. The grief that one normally experiences with this type of thing has been postponed in order to psychologically gear up for getting through treatment. Once it’s done, the grief, realization of what has been lost, and depression set in.

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Calendula cream: my new best friend

I now have two weeks of radiation under my belt and things are going swimmingly (well, mostly). I met with Dr. K. on Wednesday and he remarked that most people turn a little pink from the radiation at this point. I rejoiced that slathering on calendula cream three times a day had paid off. Wait. The very next day I got home after my treatment and noticed an area on my chest that looked like someone had drawn on me with a large-tip pink marker. Interestingly enough, the radiation technicians actually DO draw on me with grape-scented (purple) or cherry-scented (red) markers every day in order to line me up with the machine properly (and they sometimes fight over who gets to draw on me—it’s rather amusing). When I tried to wash off the markings, I realized it was an actual burn. Youch! So I got busy with the cream again and things look a little better.

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St. Theophan the Recluse

Becoming an Orthodox Christian has made profound changes in my life. My spirituality as a Protestant evangelical was mostly based on an intellectual approach to God (and sometimes emotional). It’s hard to explain the difference, but Orthodoxy is so much more . . . holistic. The Orthodox faith is not mechanical or legalistic. It is therapeutic. One of the great tools I have been given in Orthodoxy is to become familiar with the fathers of the Christian faith. One of them who has a special place in my heart is a guy named "Theophan the Recluse.” Here’s a passage I love from, What Is The Spiritual Life and How to Attune Onself to It (herein he counsels a young woman on arranging her life):

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Treatment Phase #2: Radiation

Two days ago, I started the second phase of my cancer treatment: radiation. I reported to the Cancer Care Center at 1:30 p.m. ready to get the show on the road. I was surprised by how anxious I felt. Despite all of the reading about radiation I have done, when it comes down to actually doing it, it’s still rather . . . freaky.

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An out of body experience

This afternoon I visited the Breast Care Center for the first mammogram I've had since the one last June that started this whole cancer journey. I tried not to think about the upcoming appointment, expecting (and hoping) that it would be routine and uneventful. I told myself that if I could get a routine mammogram under my belt, I would feel better about charting a new course for my future life as a cancer survivor. Well, the routine exam I was hoping for didn't exactly pan out the way I was expecting. I reported to the front desk and went through the usual check-in with my insurance cards. I even showed up ten minutes early, hoping to get it behind me faster.

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Meeting the radiation oncologist

This morning was my first "real" consultation with the radiation oncologist in my home town (Mount Vernon). If you recall, I met with him back in September, expecting to start radiation treatments then. However, he pulled out the results of my Oncotype DX test and blew me away with the results, resulting in my search for a second opinion and chemo treatments at Swedish Hospital. Just like in golf, a high score with the Oncotype DX test is undesirable. It turned out that, due to a measurement of 21 different genes in my tumor, I had an "intermediate" risk of distant recurrence (metastasized) cancer within 10 years. So all the radiation talk went out the window and chemo was on the agenda.

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Christmas Break re-cap

I haven’t written on my blog lately because: a) I’m lazy b) I have so many things on my mind that I couldn’t possibly share it all c) I’ve been in “vacation mode” d) I’ve been working on financial paperwork for college financial aid e) I have felt a bit “blah” these last two weeks f) I feel that I have nothing of value to share with others g) All of the above If you guessed “g,” you are correct. Congratulations! Christmas break has been a wonderful respite from the routine of work and doctor’s appointments. I’ve eaten too much, attempted to get back on the treadmill, watched a plethora of movies, eaten out several times, attended the symphony, shopped, and just generally indulged myself. Ahhhhh!!!! (visualize getting your feet massaged while letting your breath out slowly . . . yes, that’s it . . . that’s how I’m feeling).

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