The Tyranny of Positive Thinking

I’m probably going to step on someone’s toes with this blog entry, but I feel compelled to write it. I touched on this topic once before in my blog, but I feel very strongly that it bears repeating. It’s about the “tyranny of positive thinking.” Jimmie C. Holland, M.D., of Memorial Sloan-Kette ring Cancer Center, coined the term, “the tyranny of positive thinking” in his book, The Human Side of Cancer. Don’ t get me wrong—I believe that having a positive attitude most certainly beats having a bad attitude, especially during hard times. However, there are many people today (including many Christians) , who adhere to “The Gospel According to Oprah.” Basically, it’s a New Age belief (ever read The Secret?) that used to be called “blab-it-an d-grab-it” in Christian circles--the belief that you create any outcome you desire based on positive thinking and speaking.

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I want to live while I'm alive

Sorry for the long hiatus from my blog, but between radiation treatments, work, and family happenings, I haven’t taken the time to sit down and sort out my thoughts. There are so many things I’d love to write about if I could only find the time! I have less than three weeks left to finish radiation. It’s rather ironic: I’m the girl who never tanned and now the upper right quadrant of my body looks like I’ve spent a week in Bermuda. Who knew? All I needed to do was sit under a radiation machine for weeks on end! All I need to complete the look is a flower lei and one of those tropical umbrella drinks.

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Dancing in limbo

I just finished reading a book called, Dancing In Limbo. It’s written by two female cancer survivors for people who have finished cancer treatment and are left to deal with the unanticipated emotional fallout. I highlighted the heck out of the book because there was so much in it that I could relate to. Cancer survivors are often caught off guard when they finish treatment because everyone expects them to be happy that it’s over and they can now “get on with life.” However, it’s common for survivors to experience a sort of “post-traumatic stress” reaction. Now that they are no longer doing something proactive about the cancer, fear of recurrence sets in. The grief that one normally experiences with this type of thing has been postponed in order to psychologically gear up for getting through treatment. Once it’s done, the grief, realization of what has been lost, and depression set in.

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Calendula cream: my new best friend

I now have two weeks of radiation under my belt and things are going swimmingly (well, mostly). I met with Dr. K. on Wednesday and he remarked that most people turn a little pink from the radiation at this point. I rejoiced that slathering on calendula cream three times a day had paid off. Wait. The very next day I got home after my treatment and noticed an area on my chest that looked like someone had drawn on me with a large-tip pink marker. Interestingly enough, the radiation technicians actually DO draw on me with grape-scented (purple) or cherry-scented (red) markers every day in order to line me up with the machine properly (and they sometimes fight over who gets to draw on me—it’s rather amusing). When I tried to wash off the markings, I realized it was an actual burn. Youch! So I got busy with the cream again and things look a little better.

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Treatment Phase #2: Radiation

Two days ago, I started the second phase of my cancer treatment: radiation. I reported to the Cancer Care Center at 1:30 p.m. ready to get the show on the road. I was surprised by how anxious I felt. Despite all of the reading about radiation I have done, when it comes down to actually doing it, it’s still rather . . . freaky.

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An out of body experience

This afternoon I visited the Breast Care Center for the first mammogram I've had since the one last June that started this whole cancer journey. I tried not to think about the upcoming appointment, expecting (and hoping) that it would be routine and uneventful. I told myself that if I could get a routine mammogram under my belt, I would feel better about charting a new course for my future life as a cancer survivor. Well, the routine exam I was hoping for didn't exactly pan out the way I was expecting. I reported to the front desk and went through the usual check-in with my insurance cards. I even showed up ten minutes early, hoping to get it behind me faster.

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Meeting the radiation oncologist

This morning was my first "real" consultation with the radiation oncologist in my home town (Mount Vernon). If you recall, I met with him back in September, expecting to start radiation treatments then. However, he pulled out the results of my Oncotype DX test and blew me away with the results, resulting in my search for a second opinion and chemo treatments at Swedish Hospital. Just like in golf, a high score with the Oncotype DX test is undesirable. It turned out that, due to a measurement of 21 different genes in my tumor, I had an "intermediate" risk of distant recurrence (metastasized) cancer within 10 years. So all the radiation talk went out the window and chemo was on the agenda.

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